This isn’t about putting anyone down,but more about gaining perspective over a situation we've been dealing with.
Letting go and moving on from people has got to be one of the hardest things to do ; and I think a lot of times we hold on too because we just don’t know how to let go.
A few years ago a good friend of mine and I parted ways in what seemed like an unexpected break up.This would have led to marriage but I wasn't feeling comfy around this person. For months I went over events in my head and tried to understand how and why it happened.
Of Course as humans go , I genuinely didn’t feel it was my fault in anway,( and I’m sure they felt the same which may or may not be true) and for months I haboured a lot of anger towards the situation. I didn’t understand how several years of friendship could have such a bitter ending.
Although I was angry, more at the situation than at them, I tried to put my feelings aside to fix things by trying to be more objective and seeing things from their point of view.
I would call, send messages etc in an attempt to just casually let them know I was still willing to be a part of their life if they wanted me; a lot of times, no in fact all the time it was met with one liners and cold response.
But I still continued to try, even though I was hurt and felt completely betrayed, to reach out in the hopes that we could move past this.
The person, not once reciprocated my actions; several times I would hear stories from others about what they’d said about the situation and how all the blame was on me, but how could I trust what these people were saying? I refused to engage others over something that was supposed to be between us. Perhaps I did that hoping my friend was doing the same with all the other “informants”.
I wanted to talk it over and hear them out, after all perception plays a huge role in how a lot of relationships end, and conversation sometimes helps both parties to understand what happened and probably see things from the others point of view. Perhaps I was wrong, perhaps things didn’t happen the way I “perceived” them to, perhaps their attitude towards me was all in my head, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…
That was my analytical side talking(I’m overly analytical to a fault) , I wanted to, even at the expense of seeming desperate, do everything I could to fix things.
It wasn’t about who was right or wrong in the situation anymore, I had long moved passed that. For me it had become about preserving several years of friendship.
Until one day after many text messages, calls, embarrassing public encounters etc I decided to STOP, when realised this person was unwilling to even try.
Why was I holding on to someone who was uninterested in holding on to me? Why did it seem like I was the only one fighting to keep our friendship. Why was I carrying the burden of a situation I was genuinely clueless about? And more importantly why was I hell bent on mending something the other seemed to want to remain broken.
I had to reevaluate our entire friendship, and as I did it finally dawned on me that maybe the “friendship” meant more to me than it did to them.
The pain of realizing that for years I’d fought to maintain a friendship that wasn’t quite the way I perceived it, well judging by their lack of interest in reaching out as I had, done, got to me.
I took a look back at our friendship and realised I’d never heard them apologize,accept blame or attempt to repair our relationship whenever we had an issues. Maybe I was over thinking it, but in that moment it’s how I felt.
It was the only tangible reason I could give for how at the slightest provocation this person was ready to completely shut me out and move on like we never existed.
I realised then, that I really had to let go and try to move on regardless of how hard it was. It doesn't matter if I have to wait long, what matters is to avoid marrying wrong.
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